There is no C in Windows Vista

Mood: bug·gy2 /ˈbʌgi/ [buhg-ee]
–adjective, -gi·er, -gi·est.
1. infested with bugs.
2. Slang. crazy; insane; peculiar.

Currently listening to: windows.wav

Windows Vista has been long awaited by geeks all over the world, and is none other than another one of Microsoft's schemes to get more money. Our insider within the industry, C, who is currently serving as the "boy who sits around and gets paid to surf the net" at a private computer parts resaler, will experience the rush of nerdy customers dishing out the big bucks for this slightly-more-prettier-looking-OS-than-Windows-XP.

Vista is latin for "view" or "sight". C knows this because he played Final Fantasy IX where there was an airship called the Prima Vista which is latin for "first sight". Latin enthusiasts feel the new Windows operating system was much more aptly named than Windows XP. Still to this day, a long 5 years after its initial release, only 7% of Windows XP users know what the XP actually stands for. To nobody's surprise, 100% of these users are lifeless geeks who will be living in their parents' basment until they are 30 years old. Windows is latin for "bugged operating system", but can also carry the alternate meaning of "elaborate Microsoft scam" and has "only suckers would pay for this" written all over it.

Currently a copy of the most basic version of Windows Vista OEM on DVD is going for $110ex. at the wholesale price. Strangely enough, the CD-ROM version costs an extra $3. How bizarre! According to Wikipedia, Windows Vista Home Basic Non-OEM (the most basic version available) will be going for $385.00 AUD in retail. For the non-geeks out there (and C himself only received the explanation himself from his father), the OEM can only be legally installed on one machine and is fundamentally "bind on installation" to that machine (excuse the World of Warcraft reference), thus explaining the significantly lower price.

Many different versions of Vista will be available, much like XP, which had the Home and Professional Editions. Windows Vista versions available for purchase or collecting include:

Windows Vista Starter
Windows Vista Home Basic
Windows Vista Home Premium
Windows Vista Home Gourmet*
Windows Vista Business
Windows Vista Enterprise
Windows Vista Millenium Falcon*
Windows Vista Ultimate
Windows Vista Ultimate 1337 h4x0r*
Windows Vista Epic*
Windows Vista for Macintosh

* denotes a fabricated but possible naming of a version of Windows Vista.

Windows Vista will boast hundreds of new features. The Letter C is pretty certain that not only will Vista feature the many features listed on the box, but also thousands of unwritten ones that unlucky owners will get to discover the hard way. We have already drive-tested the new operating system on C's new laptop (which he is actually yet to receive). Our results are recorded with a real-time comparison with a machine running Windows XP, using a very fair meter of measure:

Unreal Tournament 2008
Windows Vista: 7 multikills, 23 monster kills, 172 blue screens of death
Windows XP: 11 headshots, 18 godlikes, 20 frames-per-second

Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne - Defense of the Ancients
Windows Vista: 189 creep kills, 22 creep denies, 8 killing sprees, 4 fatal errors
Windows XP: 2 leavers, 5 divine rapiers, 4 disconnects

World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade
Windows Vista: 3 failed connects, and then "Your account has been closed." on successful connection
Windows XP: 1024 dps, 720 crit, +8511 dkp

Microsoft Word
Windows Vista: Failed to open
Windows XP: 130 wpm

Minesweeper
Windows Vista: (Not Responding)
Windows XP: 3 seconds on Beginner, 999 on Intermediate and 39 on Expert by Anonymous

As you can clearly see from these results, Windows Vista still needs a lot of work and was released because Microsoft is just that hungry for money. Geek forums all around the world will be jam-packed full of threads titled, "VISTA IS BUGGED" or "I F*&%^ING WASTED $400" and we of course can't forget the one titled, "Click here for Vista torrentz LULZ!".

The bundle of new features and bugs in Windows Vista include the following:

Vista will have neuro-detection to know when the user is about to save his/her
work and automatically crash before the command can be sent (not a bug, working
as intended).

Vista will stop functioning a year after the manufacture
date (stated as a bug in the instruction manual, but it clearly isn't).

Porn-protection upgrade protects your porn collection from being deleted
and viruses. A total of 20 passwords can be set for maximum security.

**GG INSPIRATION DIED AT THIS POINT

We salute you, Microsoft, for making the world a better place!