There is no C in Lawyer

Mood: Hot and sweaty
Currently reading: Sun Tzu's Art of Bullsh*tting

For many years, British comedians have poked fun at the profession of lawyers, always joking that lawyers will have their own collective in the fiery depths of hell. What better way to confirm this rumour than by interviewing the Grim Reaper, whom the undereducated often get confused with his alter-ego, Death, who appears in Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. We assure you, reader, that our fictional interview was not with the fictional Death but Mr Grim Reaper himself, aka. T3H R3AL D3AL. We at The Letter C regularly keep in touch with the unpopular and infamous, including the Ghost of Richard Nixon, Ronald McDonald and Darth Vader's armor, just to name a few. So one fine day we headed down to the Sydney suburb of Mosman, the residential centre of Australia's most notorious racists and other criminals in denial to access the portal to the hellish realms of the underworld.

The Grim Reaper had agreed to meet us at around 11:30am that morning at the portal entrance, but kept us waiting at least until 1pm in the blazing summer sun. He arrived shortly after with a popsicle in his skeletal hand.

GR: "Sorry to keep you waiting guys. The train was late and then it
wouldn't start when I got on it. I guess I killed the engine. Get it? Ha, ha,
ha."

C: "Ok, Mr Reape-"

GR: "Please, there's no need to be so formal. Call me Death."

C: "Death, is it true that lawyers get 5-star treatment in hell?"

GR: "Actually, I just do the killing. I don't know what goes on down there,
but I've talked to Satan once or twice. My gaydar went off the chart."

C: "What do you like the most about your job?"

GR: "The best part of my job is being famous. Everyone recognizes me and
they love to come up and have a chat to me."

C: "Thank you Death, that's all the time we have for today."

GR: "My pleasure C, anything for a friend."

And so that fateful day we walked away having learnt nothing really new about ANYTHING in particular, but it was great to catch up with good ol' Death because we've been receiving a lot of his postcards from Tijuana and it made us slightly jealous.

We originally made this post to introduce you all to our lawyer, Barry Sterov Larjwun (no relation to superstar Gunther Sven Larjwun). Mr Larjwun has over 50 years of experience, with over 40 of them behind bars. He assured us that no matter what kind of crime we commit, he will get us money. We felt that this was extremely generous and offered him a place on our team that very instant. Barry signed up with The Letter C after we held a fake gun to his head and told him it was real. Not only does he appear in court on our behalf, but Barry will also dress up as a clown if we so request it. His portfolio boasts the following cases (Barry assures us that he won all of these for his clients, but this has only been confirmed by Barry himself):

Murder by fake gun

Murder by XBox head-clubbing

Death-by-vomiting-by-alcohol-overdrinkage

Death-by-accidentally-touching-Poison-Ivy

Infringement of copyright

Infringement of capitalism

Wrongful enforcement of communism

Rightful enforcement of communism

Inflatable hammer hit-and-run

Inflatable jumping castle suffocation

Overkill of bad puns

Fowl play

Illegal whaling

We will be sure to get into lots of mischief now that we have a fine lawyer at our defense.