There is no C in Eragon

Mood: Malevolent
Currently watching: raindrops drip down the front door of the office

Eragon is a novel written by none other than Christopher Paolini during his teenage years when he was enduring the hard times of puberty and trying out various forms of dancemove-enhancing drugs. Eragon can be described as an unentertaining piece of literature, featuring a whiny boy named Eragon, of whom the book is named after.

The story is set in a green world of bacteria named Algaesia (many people thought this was a reference by Paolini to his homeland, Algeria, but infact it is not). Paolini named the fantasy world so because at the time the town scientist had a unhealthy obsession with algae and ultimately caused the overgrowth of the disgusting mossy filth to take over the entire city.

From the outset, Eragon appears to be a story about good dragon riders versus evil dragon riders and sexy fairies, but this book is actually a very deep and provides meaningful insight into humanity. There are references in this book to historical events like the Watergate Scandal involving ex-president Richard Nixon and also the release of the first Star Wars movie (which happened to be the fourth). George Lucas did not press full charges, as he is an avid supporter of all fantasy literature written to bring down the Lord of the Rings franchise - the "Star Wars" of the fantasy world.

Eragon underwent a film adaptation in 2006 in the film of the same name, Eragon. This film received rave reviews and won a substantial amount of awards for being:

Worst Lord of the Rings clone of 2006

Worst fantasy film featuring a whiny pansy

Worst fantasy film of 2006

Worst attempt at medieval comedy

Best film to feature a character named Durza

Worst dressed main character

Best fantasy film to feature a male lead portraying a loser

And indeed, nobody from The Letter C went to see this filth and we sat around the office making jokes to put into this post on the day of its release. Binja (our mascot ninja) was given a copy of the book to read for parody material but unfortunately he did a ninja on us (no pun intended) and left for Akihabara the next morning to purchase a modded PS3 for the office. The book now serves as a nice wedge beneath Icebox (our 1337speaking barfridge) because he complained about the carpet scraping his power supply.

Of course, in true satirical fashion, every member of the office will pretend they saw this crappy fantasy film and give their one-sentence review:

"Eragon was the best film I've ever seen, it really brought me back to my
high school days, we read it in English and I remember absolutely falling in
love with the boo-" - Arthur Arthurson (who has been fired for abusing commas to prolong his sentence and publicly admitting to liking this horrible piece of literature)

"Nanikore? Eeto... ee... ano... payrise ni tsuite? sou... hai, hai, onegai yo!" - Binja (who we contacted over the phone, but C was not around to translate for us *edit: we found out Binja was asking for a payrise and consequently we have hired an assassin)

"Look, guys, I'll do anything... ANYTHING but see that movie. Seriously, look, I will even d-" - C (whose sentence had to be cut short because the situation became very serious. C is now under 24 hour surveillance after attempting to commit seppuku with a frisbee and a DDR mat at the same time)

"4NY0N6 H453`/0 3R4G0N 15 4 CR4PP`/ F1LM H453`/0" - Icebox (whose Korean 1337speak is better than any other bar fridge we've come across)

"LOLOLOLOLLL I LOVE ERAGON (L)" - gwo (who had to explain to C for about 3 hours that he was only joking)

"I would rather sit through 40 hours of videoblogs than watch that *&^%, and then follow it up with another 40 hours of Today Tonight, but I'd probably just go play World of Warcraft." - lifeless (yes, that is his screenname)

"I'm going to go play DOTA." - jaychouf4n (we don't know who this guy is but his comment made it here somehow)

"Well, you can't really compare Eragon to Star Wars or anything like that. In my humble opinion, I think it's unfair to the producers because this film adaptation took a lot of effort and I am sure there are people out there who like the film. But of course, even just looking around the office, we have people of different walks of life and naturally we would have diffe-" - D (it was a mistake to ask D, and now he won't shut up, as we're adding the final touches to this post, the idiot is still having a philosophical rant)

And thus ends our review on Eragon, worst film of 2006. Cheers to a new age of film critique.

**DISCLAIMER: Most, but not all, of The Letter C's staff are imaginary and were created for comic purposes. We cannot reveal who is real and who is not, but D maintains that he is indeed real and much moreso than the rest of us. Someday that kid will have a Guitar Hero controller smacked over the back of his head.