TLC Crackdown: Solo Roleplaying

Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (12:58 PM):
yeah it was
either going to be dual monitors
or 30"
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (12:58 PM):
i haven't decided for anzac weekend yet
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? sends:

Open(Alt+P)

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[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:00 PM):
...whoa
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:00 PM):
yeah the pronz... i mean movies
look reallyg ood
lol
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:00 PM):
nice keyboard... isn't that like $300?
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:01 PM):
i saw that keyboard at harvey norman yesterday and it was going for $300..
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:01 PM):
yeah thats like hte novaedge or some crap
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:01 PM):
omg
insane
very cool
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:01 PM):
thankte matey
come play dota next time
lol
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:01 PM):
lol
when?
oh
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:01 PM):
if u're ever in town
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:01 PM):
man dota on widescreen is soooo weird
lolo
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:01 PM):
yeah it is a little
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:01 PM):
yeh
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:02 PM):
i play in windowed mode anyway
so i resize it back to golden ratio
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:02 PM):
what!?
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:02 PM):
you really should play in windowed mode
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:02 PM):
whats
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:02 PM):
-windowed
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:02 PM):
'godlen ratio'
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:02 PM):
golden ratio is... 4:#
4:3
the normal screen ratio
like.. not wide
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:02 PM):
yeah yeah
actually that mite work
there is also some way
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:02 PM):
yeh go for it
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:02 PM):
to force a lot of programs
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:03 PM):
to show that many pixels
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:03 PM):
wow
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:03 PM):
like generals zero hour u can edit the ini
to make it 2560 x 1600
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:03 PM):
...OMgggggg
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
have you played C&C3 yet?
it looks slick
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
no i haven't
but my friend's bugging me to get it
i'm playing oblivion
its such a bad idea
lol
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
probably not worth the $88
ahhah oblivion
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
but such a good game
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
oh man
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
did u play it???
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
it must look good on that monitor
no i didn't
i'm not really into that type of RPG
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
yeah it looks relaly good
rpgs are soul suckers
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
WoW already takes enough of my time
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
are u wowing?
haha
hahha
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:04 PM):
i don't really enjoy single player RPG
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:04 PM):
hahaah
the role play
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:05 PM):
i'm not playing WoW right now... lol
Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:05 PM):
not real enough for u?
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:05 PM):
XD

Gimme a break 6.43 already!? says (1:05 PM):
lol thats so funny
on so many levels
'single player role playing is not enjoyable'
but many people role playing is
hahahaha
[cwong] charles "chuckwardenn" wong [/cwong] for bleach lovers: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WYGLEJ9LV18 says (1:06 PM):
lol

O MAI GAW- TELL ME THIS ISN"T INSNAE

TLC Tutorial: Top 10 ways to quit World of Warcraft

Truly, truly, this is a guide to one of the great milestones of geekdom. Though we originally planned to interview an expert, we searched far and wide, from the west coast of Australia all the way to California, then to Singapore, then to the dark side of the moon, but nobody who had accomplished this mighty feat was to be found.

Nonetheless, the players here at The Letter C have compiled a lengthy list to aid all players/addicts/slaves of World of Warcraft in this quest for epic freedom (my boss said that WoW pun had to be included).

In no particular order, these are the steps to be taken in order to complete the quest:

1. Give up now, it's impossible.

There is no C in Playstation 3

In recent news, the Playstation 3 made its not-so-epic release in Australia. Sony was tactless to call for a midnight launch, because the last time I checked, the latest geek trend is to stay up until 3am playing World of Warcraft in their parents' basement. For the less extravagant breed of nerd, last time I checked, it was "cool" to own an XBox 360, and for their parents, it was "fresh" to possess a Nintendo Wii. This silly purchase of a new-age console most definitely left said Australian doll bludgers/families broke and unable to cash in on Sony's overly expensive new toy.

Predictably, the only people who were actually able to afford the Playstation 3 without taking out a loan for $1000 AUD were spoilt Asian kids with rich parents and elitist white boys, who had to own one of the very first Australian PS3s despite the empty care cup of their peers, grandparents and school teachers.

Political analysts were quick to point out that Kevin Rudd may have anticipated the release of Sony's latest console with his push for faster broadband. This was interpreted as Mr Rudd saying, "I am lonely and wish I had more Aussie noobs to fry online." Prime Minister John Howard was quoted replying, "Kevin Rudd will not be able to fulfill his promises to the public," and then footage of Mr Howard claiming the coalition "would never allow the GST to exist" under its government. Although this footage was especially incriminating for Mr Howard, the real crime for him is playing Alliance.

TLC Theatre: Tale of Hamburglar, The

It was a perfect summer's day, when a convicted pedophile by the name of Ronald "Ronald McDonald" McDonald was sentenced to another 28 years in Drive-Thru service for an alledged sexual attack on a 6-year-old restaurant patron. While this news story was being aired on CCN (Communist Chinaman's Newsdump), Hamish Burglier, as he was known then, was making himself a batch of Chicken McNuggets for breakfast, of which he had stolen from a McDonalds delivery truck several months earlier.
For someone who had never conversed or danced the Tango with Hamish, he would appear to just be another lonely hobo who had neither girlfriend nor a fresh pair of underwear. Of course, back in his day, there was no World of Warcraft, so he spent most of his afternoons playing Chess against the poster of late Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith on his bedroom ceiling.

"I have been thoroughly named and shamed for my actions, and am deeply sorry for ruining the world-recognized family-friendly of McDonalds as a family restaurant," McDonald spoke before being muffled by an oily, paper bag. "Zfff mmf zfffiiuuunn!" Despite having his DNA confirmed no less than 13 times by a total of 8 different scientists from 4 of the then 6 continents of the globe, McDonald's army of lawyers would describe their client as nothing but "innocent".

Had Hamish seen this drama play out on his monochrome television set, he would have immediately recognized Mr McDonald, as the two had met some years earlier in a drug deal. While Hamish used the pseudonym "The Buddha" when acting as the greatest North American dealer of South American weed, Mr McDonald used the ever inconspicuous alias of "Ronald McDonald". Unfortunately, those large clown shoes were almost always a dead giveaway. It was a shame that Hamish did not see this news report regarding his most lucrative customer, as he was lying unconscious on the floor after having consumed raw and expired Chicken McNuggets, which have since been proven to be deadly to French consumers.

But as we come to yet another abrupt conclusion of an incoherent wall-of-bullsh*t, some questions remain unanswered. How did Hamish Burglier become the Hamburglar? Is Hamish Burglier just a euphemism for baguette? How many children did Ronald McDonald rape while in and out of prison? I had Chicken McNuggets for lunch today and I do not have life insurance, is this bad news? Are my children safe from the ghost of Ronald McDonald? Just what the f*ck is Grimace meant to be? I bet that MakeUpYourOwnMind.com McDonalds website will have answers for questions such as these!

*Disclaimer: Since we have taken C into ransom, there will be no new posts until The Letter C receives a donation equating to and/or of greater value than $1 million USD.

- Charles Wong's army of lawyers

TLC Crackdown: Uglie Nerd Epidemic

Dear citizens of Planet Earth,

A world-peace-threatening epidemic is just beyond the horizon and fast approaching. Possibly by 2010 AD or sooner, a new race of humans known as Uglie Nerds will spawn from a currently non-existent gene pool and terrorise peaceful neighbourhoods and trample our planet's fragile daffodils and ants. Scientists were warned on the 18th of September, 2006 by a man going under the alias "Time Commando". 20th Century geeks have already confirmed that it is not the guy who starred in the PlayStation game of the same name.

So far, we have little evidence that excessive use of the electronic drug called World of Warcraft will be the cause of this disaster. Moreso, many of the world leaders are unaware that the Internet was used for the intake of illegal data - we thought that people only used it to download pornography. In the event that World of Warcraft is indeed the catalyst for destruction, we have decided that no risks can be taken and that the Internet must be cut away.

After browsing various virtual breeding dens of these Uglie Nerds, named "forums", we have concluded that a blizzard will mark the beginning of the uprising. Our top scientists and environmental activists have, for the first time in 220 years, decided to settle their differences and join together in an act of accelerated global warming. We have predicted that if every household of developed nations burns at least 10Kg of coal per day, the global warming process will be complete by 30th of February, 2008. A total of $470 billion US has been allocated for the development of underwater colonies, water-resistant fireworks and waterproof toasters.

In the event that our leadership has got it totally wrong, we implore all females to stay away from the Internet. We fear that the Uglie Nerds will target those of the feminine gender, regardless of age or location. If you are a parent and you have a daughter who has a MySpace page, then we regret to inform you that it is too late. They will be the first to be swarmed by the Uglie Nerds. Fear not, as we have access to government information detailing your daughter's exact whereabouts and her measurements.

See you later, suckers,
World leaders of the arrogant and smug variety

There is no C in PSP

The PSP was Sony's worst invention since the Sony-brand unopened minidisc shredder back in 1998. PSP is supposedly meant to stand for Playstation Portable, but we prefer to call it the Portable Piece of Sh*t. Yes, we do realize that would make the acronym PPS, but frankly, our care cup is empty.

Sony was faced with a number of problems when the PSP made its initial debut into the portable console race. Not only was the PSP a shoddy piece of sweatshop handiwork, it was also faced with the incredible competition coming from the Nintendo DS, which had already gained a large following because of the crappy kid's title Nintendogs, with the addition of the scat-lover's spinoff version - Nintenbogs.



Consumers and console thiefs complained that the PSP's d-pad was (direct quote from LIER Magazine), "really focking gay" and "so bad it gave me the worst hand whiplash ever." For more information on hand whiplash, please visit Doohickiepedia.org. Not only was the d-pad bad, but the plastic imitation analog stick was worse, resembling a weird potruding speaker of some sort (and yes, 99% of PSP owners including myself held this misconception for at least the first 6 weeks of owning the console).



The shoddy controls immediately made half the initial gamebase redundant. Hardcore fans will remember that 9 out of 10 PSP games released during its first 2 years of failure were fighting or racing games. Players could not steer properly or perform the patented Hadoken motion with their left-thumb. This caused Sony to get embarassed fast, and at a press conference last November, Sony's chairman Sony Mao (yes, that is his real name) tried to hide himself behind a cardboard cut-out of Crash Bandicoot. Oh, hilarity ensued.



However, it did not all go bad for Sony. With the release of Lumines, which we can only describe as something along the lines of Tetris + Winamp + Ecstacy, PSP sales went right up in the raver community, because the only people who were buying the PSP previously were Asian kids with rich parents and white kids who were suffering Wannabe Asian Syndrome. Unfortunately, Sony thought that a Lumines 2 would save their ass, when in fact, most of the ravers who played the original died from the insane deadly formula of Tetris + Winamp + Ecstacy + Glowsticks, with glowsticks being the clear key ingredient for death.

We can only conclude that the PSP will continue to suck at least until the remake of Final Fantasy Tactics is released. When that time comes, Blizzard Entertainment will lose a valuable World of Warcraft customer. Catch my drift?

TLC Obituary: Professor Oak

Professor Oak (June 6, 1947, Viridian City Hospital - March 21, 2006, Pallet Town Pokemart) was a visionary and pioneer of Pokemon research. Not only a renowned expert in Pokemon knowledge, Oak was also the grandfather of an arrogant elitist grandson, Gary Oak. Oak graduated from Pokemon University at the age of 18 to pursue a career in adult photography, but made a shift to the study of Pokemon when he turned 23. His reason for doing so was never shared with his family nor peers, but recently discovered memoirs of the professor recorded him saying:

"It was the sight of Charizard's long, slender neck that did it for me. It was the most erotic sight I had ever witnessed and I longed to explore it further."

Oak was both a scholar of his field and a crazed fan, and was often called the "Father of Pokemon", after being caught on one occassion to mate with a Nidoqueen. For the many years following this incident, he argued that it was a far better situation than if Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny were found in his bed. Only Nurse Joy agreed to this, and through a number of sexual affairs and time-machine mishaps, Officer Jenny gave birth to Professor Oak's grandson, Gary Oak. To this day, this dark and wounding secret is kept hush-hush because nobody is really sure which Officer Jenny was the real mother and how the bloodline managed to skip a generation. Extensive DNA testing proved that Professor Oak was 20% Pokemon.

While Professor Oak was portrayed as a rather eccentric figure on the Pokemon animated series, in real life he was more conservative and would only cook pizza in the microwave when nobody was watching. It was found several years after the first series of Pokemon that Professor Oak was actually not qualified in his field of Pokemon research and was in fact a fraud who photoshopped his diploma.

Oak was a brave man, once fighting off several Geodudes by himself without any aid from humans or Pokemon or ninjas (who are not human) or alien robotic tentacle cyborgs from Mars (or their Venus counterparts). He was then inducted into the Pokemon Hall of Fame with his team of Ninetails, Espeon, Nidoqueen, Rapidash, Celebi and Jigglypuff. It should be noted the fact that Professor Oak's team consists of only female Pokemon is no coincidence and full charges were pressed against him shortly before he died in captivity by American corporate billionaire tyrants.

He left to his grandson Gary a total of 20 thousand unused Pokeballs, his wife's Pokemon furs wardrobe, a year-pass to Pokemon-themed theme park Pokemon Land and an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with salarymen's savings that the craze hoarded for the past 10 years.

Professor Oak's greatest and most notable achievements include:

Contributing research to the fight against Pokemon AIDS

Being the first senile old man to use Pokemon in a sexual act

Being the first senile old man in the Pokemon profession to grandfather an arrogant snob-faced bastard

Making an extra $40,000 a year for Pokemon industries by posing as a hobo

Appearing on a Pokemon card

Not appearing on a milk carton

Through the greatest of adversities, Professor Oak, even in his old age manages to get out of the retirement home every once in a while, and has been spotted on many occassions by The Letter C. This is our salute to the great Pokemon professor; a picture of the man himself molesting some children and their Pikachu:

Professor, you will be missed.

There is no C in Twenty

Ah, the fifth life crisis (assuming I live to be a hundred years old) is an epic event in most cultures but does not come close to the epicness of the twenty-first birthday. Twentieths are best celebrated with 20 hours on World of Warcraft, whether by yourself or with "girls" you met while on a quest. In the day and age of Internet sexual predation (right word?), it would be most unwise to ask for cyber secks because you might just be speaking with an undercover FBI agent posing as a Night Elf. Pesky alliance!

Inevitably, the birthday boy or girl will most definitely be against the idea of singing Happy Birthday, arguably one of the worst tunes in all of mankind. Bound to make the star of the night as red of a tomato, it is actually a very good form of anti-boner, especially with that frisky Asian boy sitting across from you. The hilarity that may insue from this singing could range from a chair being thrown around, or, perhaps a much more foolproof method, namely pressing full charges.

One of history's most famous twentieth birthdays include Google's. Sir Webley Google, overlord of the Internet search engines went for a night out at the town, enjoying alcohol and inappropriate jokes about how MSN's shares have been losing their value and how nobody thinks of asking Jeeves anymore. For our readers information: Jeeves was actually slain in 2002 in a car "accident", by a colourful Volkswagen Beetle with the number plate "GOOGLE". Very subtle. That very night Google also broke 2 world records: firstly for the Most Number of Hookers Hired for Service in 1 hour, and for First Joke about a Search Engine not related to Google.

Of course, when it comes to choosing a gift, this is always a hard decision, even if you are the reincarnation of Albert Einstein. In almost all situations, buying an XBox for the birthday boy or girl is considered bad form. Flowers, chocolates, clothes, hair dryers, electric pencil sharpeners, self-help books, iPod carry cases and non-alcoholic champagne have made the list of 2007's corniest birthday gifts. It is also the very reason most of these items are no longer popular.

Remember the golden rule friends: Cosmetic surgery can make you look young if you age too quickly.

C is for Cosmetic Surgery

Level: 27
Currently: Waiting for the Americans to sleep so I can quest without getting ganked

Have you ever wished you looked better than that dead cane toad on your driveway? Or perhaps you were sick of people comparing your face to the likeness of a milk carton. We understand that these are some of life's most difficult trials, but there are many easy solutions available. Back in the 18th century, your doctor would have told you, "Suicide is your only option." You could say that over the past 300 years, not much has changed, since anyone you ask on an Internet forum is likely to tell you the same thing, but luckily today there is another alternative: cosmetic surgery. They both cost about the same, and the only difference is that your friends will probably still be your friends if the suicide goes wrong.

With the help of the father of that Asian kid you met in primary school, now you too, can look like the hardcore Japanese pr0n babe on your boyfriend's computer desktop. Don't worry about a thing, the Japanese are the undisputed gurus of cosmetic surgery - seriously, next time you are in Japan, take a walk around Shinjuku at night... every woman you see could be a pornstar! If you aren't much the type for looking great in real life, and prefer to enhance the appearance of your World of Warcraft avatar, there are plenty of ways you can do this too. Go purchase Burning Crusade and roll a female Blood Elf; they're HOT!

So, now the question is: Do YOU need cosmetic surgery? Our team of experienced surgeons can change your appearance - forever! Have you been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with your husband lately, but feel like you're not really fitting in? That's ok, for something around $2000 AUD, we can give you an authentic beer gut that will have your partner's beerbuddies jealous! Never feel left out again! Did that girl turn you down when you asked her to your prom? No worries, sign over possession of your parents' assets and we can get you looking like Brad Pitt - for the entire night! We'll even pay for the cab for your quick getaway when the plastic "wears off".

Make the wise choice, my pimple-faced nerdgin (nerd + virgin) and cancel your World of Warcraft subscription today... there are far better and more socially acceptable uses for that precious lunch money!