TLC puts the C in Piracy

Piracy is a fancy word for the crime known as theft. It is more commonly known as "What your Asian neighbour was up to all week" and is ranked in second spot on the Top 5 Asian Misdeeds of your Typical Asian Immigrant. While piracy is frowned upon by clergymen, song artists and Nintendo, it is encouraged and widely practised by schoolchildren, housewives and cheap university students who think photocopying the entirety of a 500 page textbook is "ok".

Since the turn of the millenium, piracy has turned from a crime into an artform, with the most bizarre things being "pirated" - ranging from advertisement boards, ninjas and domesticated monkeys at the zoo. Fake versions of all these things can now be easily bought at a discount price from any Asian hawker at your nearby shopping plaza.

The true elaboracy of the history of piracy may not be fully known to all, but it is understandable, as only a small portion of pirates are interested in the ancient Chinese traditions behind this lost ritual. During the Kam Fuk Dynasty, a man was measured in society according to size of his pirated music records collection. When a young Wimp Pe Feh invented the CD burner, young girls all over China lusted for him and his newfound power to pirate anything he wished. Feh soon went on to invent the French toast burner to create imitation French toast (without the need for oil, egg, butter nor bread) and also the underrated water burner (which made water out of... well, nothing at all). Contrary to popular belief, Wimp Pe Feh did not invent the Bunsen burner, as this device does not bootleg anything at all.

What began as humble beginnings for a rather not-so-well-hung Asian man, has now become a worldwide phenomenon. Piracy has developed a large cult following, with even your average computer-illiterate dummy being able to commit theft with a few clicks of their computer mouse. The reason piracy is so attractive is because of the difficulty in catching the culprits, since anyone who owns a computer/knows someone who owns a computer/has Internet access is already deemed a suspect/guilty/headed to jail/headed for the fiery depths of hell.

There is one solution to combat piracy, however: bring in enough ninjas to lay down the beatdown (if this sounded corny to you, then you forgot to stress the "lay" and the "beat" and probably didn't have Tekken music playing in the background).

TLC Crackdown: Gay gamers

Doesn't my hair look so good?

Er, I'm sorry.. what? No, I'm not in the photo.

>_>

Crap, my engagement ring is clearly visible.

# SENSUAL R&B MUSIC #

TLC Crackdown: War on Anti-World of Warcraft-ism

Session Start: Thursday, 15 February 2007
Participants: ...-kun" [/cwong] ISO: WoW CD + Account (chibiwong@hotmail.com) (F) gwo™:. (L)

[7:33:18 PM] [cwong] char: i'm gonna play wrodl of warcraft
man
:)
[7:33:31 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ROFL
ZOMG YOU NOOB
PLEASE DONT
[7:40:40 PM] [cwong] char: i am going to
i think JC doesn't play anymore
im gonna steal his account
lol
[7:41:02 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: dude that wasnt funny
[7:41:30 PM] [cwong] char: dude
i'm not trolling
i am dead serious
[7:41:39 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: dude you rollsrs
dont try and eb funny
[7:41:48 PM] [cwong] char: i watched ep 8
haven't got ep 9 yet
[7:41:56 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: its boring
8 > 9
[7:42:03 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: but 9 made me angry i guess
[7:42:57 PM] [cwong] char: k
[7:43:01 PM] [cwong] char: shhhh
[7:43:09 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ROFL SHUT UP DONT PLAY WOW
[7:43:12 PM] [cwong] char: NOOOO
[7:43:19 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: DUDE
[7:43:20 PM] [cwong] char: if i can't get JC's discs + account by tomo
rorw
[7:43:21 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: YOULL BE FATTY
[7:43:22 PM] [cwong] char: i'm going out to buy them
no man i'm only gonna play a month at a time
[7:43:35 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: YOU going TO buy BURNING crusade?
[7:43:46 PM] [cwong] char: nope
not until later on
[7:43:59 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: YOU FAGGOT
[7:44:05 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: NO RESPECT EVER AGAIN
[7:46:13 PM] [cwong] char: plz
:(
[7:46:26 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: noever again
NOT EVER EVER
[7:46:51 PM] [cwong] char: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[7:46:51 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: srsly

[7:47:31 PM] [cwong] char: k.
:(
[7:47:57 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: SO DONT PLAY
[7:48:08 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: chrasto
[7:49:04 PM] [cwong] char: OMG
[7:49:15 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: HO HO HO
MERRY CHRISTMAS JEW
[7:54:06 PM] [cwong] char: lol
sup nab
[7:54:16 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: YOU SUCK YOU WoW
NERD
[7:54:31 PM] [cwong] char: ROFL
TRICKED
[7:54:36 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ROFL
NAH
YOU WERE GAY BOY
[7:54:46 PM] [cwong] char: noooooooooooooooooo
[7:54:50 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: I DONT BELIEVE YOU NOW
[7:54:55 PM] [cwong] char: :'(
[7:55:07 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: HIGH PAIRS
[7:55:07 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: YOU SUCKSORS
[7:56:18 PM] [cwong] char: :(
[7:56:43 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ITS OVER ITS OVER NOW
[7:58:26 PM] [cwong] char: noooooooo
[7:58:32 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ITS OVER
[8:06:10 PM] [cwong] char: nooo

[10:05:23 PM] [cwong] char: i just downloaded 1gb worth of patches for
WoW
[10:05:30 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: LMFAO
YOU LIAR
[10:06:35 PM] [cwong] char: no mate
i'm not kidding
do you need to see screenshots?
[10:06:49 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: ID RATHER NOT FAGGORT
[10:06:55 PM] [cwong] char: LOL
TROLLED
[10:07:03 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: FAGGORT
[10:07:06 PM] [cwong] char: its k
i'll name my character after you
[10:07:20 PM] (F) gwo™:. (: NEVERRRRRRR
[10:07:23 PM] [cwong] char: LOOLOLOLOL

World of Warcraft is serious business.

Sepiatone 07

The Letter C presents

Sepiatone 07

A one-day project

Featuring photography by JJayne & C

There is no C in Valentine's Day

Mood: Amorous
Currently listening to: KC & Jojo - All My Life

Yes, it's that time of the year again when sparks fly and star-crossed lovers come out to frolick at the local shopping mall and going home with bags full of useless, pink and red junk they don't need. And no, I am not referring to spare internal organs. It is a special day for all - young and old, mammal or amphibian, living or inanimate - there is something for everyone on Valentine's Day, whether it be love or rejection, nobody goes away empty handed, assuming that heartbreak could manifest into a physical object of some sort, possibly in the form of a sharp knife or rusty razor positioned closely to one's wrist.

Valentine's Day is named after none other than Vincent Valentine, the gun-toting vampire-esque hunk from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy VII. Mr Valentino Rossi was also a candidate to have the holiday origins attributed to him, but unfortunately he is one letter short of fame and glory. Though teenyboppers have been taking advantage of this day to score overly expensive jewelry and doll houses long before the very first Final Fantasy title was released, we would like to remind our readers that Chibipedia is never wrong despite having randomly generated content which gets shuffled every half hour.

For the young, vibrant couple, V-day can be a sweet, romantic occasion that consists of feeding each other little spoonfuls of icecream and taking a long walk on the beach, but most of the time ends up being an awkward affair of trying to hide from the eagle-eyes of Asian aunties who have the strange habit of being everywhere you take your girlfriend/boyfriend, all the damn time. Luckily, their 12-inch binoculars give away their location to allow for a quick change of venue, but their Asian aunty-esque 4-wheel-drives are sure a pain to outrun - trust me, I know.

Valentine's Day could be considered a "lie", as it is the one day of the year that lifeless, desperate, perverted geeks come out of their parents' basements and think that this very day is the mating season of all human females. Unfortunately, they are wrong in believing that just because roses, chocolates and anything pink is going at 50% off they have a higher chance of getting a girl than any other day of the year. Sorry my dear friends to burst your bubble of magic immunity; better roll a 20 to save your face.

An article from LIER Magazine indicates that every year, it is on Valentine's Day that the abundant number of synthetic rose factories around the globe make their biggest profit, in addition to totally killing the Earth's ozone layer with their production machines in overdrive.

Without an answer to any of life's difficult questions, many socially inept males will decide to put it up to the shopkeep and ask, "What's her favourite colour?" Epic fail.

TLC Wiki: Defense of the Ancients

Defense of the Asians
From Chibipedia, the encyclopedia of chibi (small)

This article is about the WC3 custom map. For the Asshunter song, see I love DotA.

Defense of the Asians (DotA) is a racist joke created for the game Warcraft III (by Blizzard Entertainment). DotA can be played as a multiplayer game, either with friends, or against bots if you have none. The original map has been stolen by different authors many times, and spawned many spinoffs, including DotA Allstars. DotA Allstars v8.88c was not featured in the Malaysian and Singaporean World Cyber Game World Cyber Cup Challenge 2005 national finals and the Korean Cyberathlete Amateurs-into-Professionals Training League of Korea now runs an Open, Closed, Empty, Full, Easy, Intermediate, Hard, Gay, Main, Invite and Insane division using DotA Allstars v88.8d.[1]

Gameplay
Defense of the Asians is a team game with two opposing sides. Unlike regular Warcraft III games, in which skill is actually required, DotA requires no skill at all. Each player just needs to choose a single Asian - with its own skills, strengths, weaknesses, allergies and estranged fathers and control only this Asian against up to 5 enemy Asians. The objective here is to invade the opposing team's Chinatown and destroy their main structure (the "Pagoda" or "Shrine"), thus giving rise to the game name. To reach the Pagoda or Shrine, each Asian must defeat waves of units, immigration officers and triad members. Along the way, the player may rice up his or her Asian by scoring a sweet deal with hawkers and Japanese importers on the dark corners of the map. Players can earn experience and gold by either stealing it from their neighbours or waiting for a freebie giveaway sale at the local community centre. These two resources are both necessary in order to satisfy the triad loan shark and improve your Asian's Mandarin speaking ability.

At present, the maximum level obtainable is 25. Each Asian can learn three "standard" Asian dialects, with four levels of proficiency each, and a special Confuscian proverb to help with their journey with the exception of a small group of select Asians that are able to reach Nirvana quicker by buying the Orange Robe of Calm. The Asians are split into three classes, each emphasizing one of the three main kinds of stereotypical Asians today: bad drivers, Asian aunties, and nerdy Asians with thick glasses, Chuck Taylors and tight lowrider jeans.

Development
DotA has been contributed to by many Asian philosophers. The original DotA tradition was started by a Korean named Kim Lee Park.[citation needed] There is an item in the current DotA Allstars tributing Kim Lee Park (Park's Kimchi Noodle Bowl). Park has long since abandoned DotA, and his original map has inspired many variants, including the well known DotA Allstars. At one point, Gwosu (who is also honored by a game item called the "Gwosu's Shadow Chopsticks") worked on it. However, a member from Clan Wong, Chibi, worked on it as well. Chibi is honored with his own item called the Chibi Bento Box, a reference to a copypasta that makes fun of weeaboos. Currently, ChineseFrog is the one who is in jail for communism.[2]

Defense of the Asians variants
Throughout the history of the Defense of the Asians map development, various DotA map titles were created by map developers, either successors or spin-offs of the original version. These include:

DotA Allstars
Gameboy DotA
DotA Outrand
DotA Crouching Asian Hidden Night Elf
DotA Crassic
6v1 DotA
DotA Rumbrle - A variant of DotA with only one main road (through the middle of Chinatown), with motorcyclists and automotorists scattered throughout.
DotA: Mao's Palace - A variant of DotA in which each Asian does not own its items and can freely swap items with any other Asian in play. Gold and experience are randomly assigned from the community chest for Asians on the team (that is, the Soys or Wasabis).
DotA SC (alternatively, DSC or AoS II)[citation needed] - A Starcraft-player-themed variant of DotA, with the regular stereotypical Asians of regular DotA variants replaced with Asians representative of professional Korean Starcraft players. Asians have lighter skin, smaller eyes, and there is the use of "Cosmetic Surgery" to customize your Asian's appearance.

Trivia
There is a Chinese song called Wo Ai DotA by Asshunter, roughly translated as "I love DotA".

See also
Warcraft III
Asian Culture
Korean Sports

Categories: Chibipedia articles Hobbies for the lifeless Things to do which make you cool Life-threatening Addictions Video games that require no skill

There is no C in The Legend of Zelda

Mood: In the mood to go slash some grass/chickens

Currently: Slashing some grass

The Legend of Zelda has been an ongoing neverending cycle of love, tragedy, and chicken-slashing. No matter how many Zelda games have been released, the princess herself just never escapes beyond the horizon into the sunset with her hero Link. Sometimes we wish that Link would just get the hint and get with her already but unfortunately he is what we call a "silly boy" and has no idea that Zelda is totally hot for him.

The Zelda games are not like your normal RPG and boasts some pretty unique features - such as the ability the use a boomerang as a weapon (this one really appeals to the bogans and kangaroos) and also being able to pick up a chicken and fly around the world in 80 days. If you happen to be a sadistic bastard and get the urge to kill the chickens, then that feature is also available to you after you turn on the option of Mature Content. While in this mode, chickens will really die and the grass will not grow back, along with Link appearing as Adult Link (yes, that was some innuendo).

The series of games usually incorporated some puzzle-solving as well as your typical hack-and-slash action. These puzzles were incredibly difficult and a minor 8% of players who played Zelda ripped off their scalps because of the frustration of being unable to figure out a simple "1+1=2". You have to admit, Hyrulean is very hard to read and will cause anyone to shoot themselves if they try to understand it. One puzzle in a particular title was escaping from a hentai rope demon, pictured on the left.

The greatest thing about the Zelda games is that there is always a pun in the game tagline with "link" in there somewhere. It can be seen in the following examples:

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (no pun detected)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (no link detected)

Well, that sure went well. But the main point of this article is to point out the social issues that the Zelda games address and how it can affect the growing teenagers of today's society. In almost every single Zelda game, Link starts his adventure waking up from an epileptic seizure from playing too much DDR. This is a symbol of the rave parties that today's teenagers and young adults go to. The lesson that Nintendo wants people to learn is that Link is a sissy nancyboy and that ravers are just the same if they do not break away from their Ecstacy addiction.

Secondly, in the first town that players encounter, there will always be a "girl next door" figure. She is the symbolism of temptation. As players will know, before Link was even born, he made a vow in his mother's womb (who's identity has never been revealed) to marry Princess Zelda and have 12 children with her, in a ratio of 5:7, male to female respectively. The "girl next door", usually named Sara or something equally dull, will almost always have a crush on our hero Link. Throughout the game, Sara will appear with less and less clothing every time you return to town and it is just "David and Bathsheba" waiting to happen. Players are always given the option to start an affair with Sara and greeted with a big GAME OVER if they do so. Due to the alarming rate of de-facto relationships amongst 15 year olds in today's society, Nintendo has taken it into their own hands to teach our children about true love and commitment, something that they know nothing about.

The princess Zelda is a metaphor for the sneaky ninja. A common myth is that ninjas only exist in Japan, but the fact that their presence is not noticed in any Western countries is a testament to their true ninjary. Nintendo created the character Zelda as a political statement and is a warning to the government leaders of the entire world of the inevitable ninja-invasion-epidemic-end-of-the-world-tofu-flood-thingy that's waiting to happen. The frequent opening of new sushi bars around the local areas is an indication of the increase in ninjas and also correlates to the large amounts of bonsai plantations in remote areas (sorry this paragraph is so random, i was high like a kite when i wrote this one).

And the tri-force is an allusion to the Bush Administration and the three things President George W. Bush lacks - an education, a speech writer and a brain. Nintendo is very clever to pick up on this and never make any mention to this political statement within their games; it's so well hidden, you're wondering how we managed to interpret it this way but we will offer you booze if you promise not to press the issue further.

Nintendo has tried over and over to create the perfect Zelda game; one that will speak out to its players about real life issues and tackle the emotional obstacles that all geeks experience - such as, "I am an uglie nerd, will I ever get a girlfriend?", "My character keeps dying to the Vampiric Dragon, does this mean I fail at life?", "I've had McDonalds everyday for the past 2 months, do you think they remember me yet?" and "Is it OK to play an XBox?". The answers to these questions are no, yes, why aren't you dead yet? and suicide is your only option.

We can only conclude that there will be at least another 18 Zelda games in the future, since no radical revolutions have spawned because of any recently released Zelda titles. While nobody knows what Nintendo hopes to achieve, we can be sure that poor Link will not be getting any snuggles from his dear princess Zelda, as she is a frigid snob with elf ears. And no matter how much she gets kidnapped and raped by Ganondorf (who is a convicted sexual predator in 9 regions of Hyrule) then rescued by Link, Zelda always decides to run away again in order to keep Nintendo's revenue flowing with another excuse for a "new" Zelda game.

In tribute to The Legend of Zelda series, we wrote a love haiku to princess Zelda because she is a really darn hot video game character that we would like to bang (please don't tell Princess Peach):

Oh Zelda my lady

I guess that was more than 5 syllables

O shi-

There is no C in Pokemon

Mood: POKEMON BASHING TIME
Currently watching: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Pokemon first reached Australian soil sometime around 1997 or 98 or maybe quite possibly 99. The writers of the show got their inspiration from Tamagotchi, the virtual pet phenomenon which preceded Pokemon by some years. Tamagotchi's makers then decided that harmless dancing pets on a primitive LCD were not enough and made Digimon, hardened monsters that could fight via metal-conducting connectors, which were the initial prototype of infra-red and Bluetooth technology we have today on portable devices.

Owners of Pokemon, Game Freak, were a group of plagiarising scum and thus on a quiet Saturday night, broke into Bandai's headquarters and installed a large number of remote Voltorbs and stole the first drafts of the Digimon cartoon series' script. The very next day, the aftermath of the break-in were clear in the news headline: Geek Freaks Game Freak commit novelty terrorist attack on Japanese Otaku Toy Corporation Bandai but bandaids are sold out. The rivalry that spawned on this very day would last for at least a few decades, clearly evident by the continual release of Pokemon and Digimon cartoon series, card games and video game spinoffs years after their initial fanboys had grown out of puberty and had found a new pastime called World of Warcraft.

Clearly Pokemon had lost its appeal because of its flat-chested heroine, Misty. Although there was a busty female present in the show, Jessie was not an alternative because she was 35 and portrayed like a stinky harlot. Young viewers could no longer wait weeks for the plot to give Brock a chance to visit the beach in order to get a glimpse of hand-drawn, scantily-clad well-endowed young ladies. This demand for hentai content on the show was poorly received by creator and chief script writer Ash Ketchum, even though he was dying to bang Misty, the flat-chested girl whose surname is still unknown to fans after 7 years since the first episodes. Many fanboys have made up their own speculations for Misty's surname to aid their perverted fantasy, usually calling her by their own surname like she was their wife or sex-slave or something. Mr Ketchum told LIER Magazine that he felt disgusted because the testosterone levels of 10 year olds were higher than his own and was put onto medication for many months because of the consequencial yaoi-fanfic-writer's-block. He committed suicide in mid-2006 by drinking a blended pulp from old Pokemon cards and some African watermelons.

The show continued on, even without anyone writing the script. Pokemon fans claimed that it was the "will of Pikachu-sama" but were told by their peers to "shut up". They went so far as to list their religion as "Johtoism" on the annual census but had lower numbers than "Jedi" on the statistics chart. Pokemon is currently playing its eighth season, Pokemon Ranger Space Travellers: The Lost Pokeball of Halo 3. So far the show has been poorly received and many geek communities around the world have condemned the using of the name of Halo 3 in vain and many Haloists are about to wage a j1h4d (geekoid holy war) on the Johtoists, who claim they had no control over the estranged title of their beloved yet downward-spirally cartoon series.

Examining other departments of the Pokemon franchise, the video game, was not a bad game by any means. It was easily the best game to ever come to the Gameboy (monochrome version, at the time) and was a huge hit. The subsequent "sequels" were also extremely popular amongst 10-12 year olds whose prized possession were their Gameboy Advance SPs and 19 year olds who played the ROM on their computer because they would be arrested for owning the above. Common-sense has alerted us that the games were not very popular among the parents of the aforementioned pre-teens.

Pokemon can be widely considered the largest otaku-fanbased monopoly today. It is regarded by many political analysts to be the only corporate giant that rivals Microsoft in terms of networth. It will only be a matter of time before Microsoft opts to buy out the Pokemon empire. Should that day ever come, have a katana or frisbee nearby to commit seppuku because we promise you - Pokemon Vista Home Edition is going to be so bad, we are not kidding.

Let's take a look at Game Freak's Pokemon assets since its horrible dinosaur-esque birth...

Pokemon Cartoon Series, 1998-Present:

Pokemon Pocket Monsters
Pokemon Freedom Fighters
Pokemon Johto Adventures
Pokemon In Space
Pokemon Master Journey
Pokemon Pancake Flippers
Pokemon Noun Noun
Mighty Morphin' Pokemon Rangers

Pokemon Video Games, 1999-Present:

Pokemon Red Version
Pokemon Blue Version
Pokemon Yellow Version
Pokemon White Version (released because of anti-Asian sentiments at Yellow version)
Pokemon Black Version (released because of anti-Asian sentiments at Yellow version)
Pokemon Ruby Version
Pokemon Sapphire Version
Pokemon Emerald Version
Pokemon Onyx Version
Pokemon Magenta Version
Pokemon Rainbow Version
Pokemon Stadium
Pokemon Colliseum
Pokemon Sporting Arena
Pokemon World GX
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
Pokemon Mystery Attic
Pokemon Mystery Basement
Pokemon Pearl
Pokemon Diamond
Pokemon Plastic
Pokemon Tungsten

Pokemon Trading Card Game Sets, 2000-Present:

Pokemon Trading Card Game
Pokemon Jungle
Pokemon Fossil
Pokemon Rocket
Pokemon Shiny GX
Pokemon Blue Eyes White Dratini Set
Pokemon Dark Mr Mime Set

Let's take a look at the pie-chart of Pokemon assets and how their franchise spreads out into the various industries and demographics:

Please ignore the fact that the chart was documented 30 years before the child of the devil known as Pokemon came into being. As is clearly shown here, the Pokemon franchise has extended to various things, some which aren't shown on that pie chart. Most recent news alluded to a possible venture into Pokemon-brand air conditioners and bandanas, both of which are very closely related. Last time we checked, the Pokemon franchise comprised of 100% hentai for the brief Christmas period of 2006.

Unfortunately, due to an anti-Pokemon protest happening outside our office on the ground floor, we must cut this post short as some fanatics wielding a flaming pikachu on a stick are banging on our door and throwing rotten bananas onto our beautifully polished window. Incidentally, this protest coincides with the pro-Digimon rally happening down the street. We feel that this is no coincidence and are currently backing up our porn and firing up the escape pods.

We bid you farewell reader, and remember not to spend your life savings on Pokemon merchandise if you intend to live past the year 2035 because that is the predicted date of its diminishing value. And now to end with MAD Magazine's version of the Pokemon theme song from Australian MAD Magazine 1999 Issue 372 (sung to the tune of the original Pokemon theme song). Yes, it was this very issue of the magazine that sparked my immoral love-affair with satire. Sing it and laugh!

Each one of us a lame-ass pest,
Just a dorky twit,
No one would have ever guessed
Our show would be a hit

Our Game Boy junk and trading cards
Sell across the map
All bought by parents of retards
Who "have to" own this crap!

Hokeycon!
Flavour of the week!
Expensive trash!
Latest fad to take your cash!

Hokeycon!
Soon to be forgot!
In your closet
watch us rot!

Hokeycon! Better sell 'em quick!
We make big bucks,
Though our artwork really sucks,
America - land of schmucks!

Hokeycon!

Bento Box Copypasta

I can't be bothered writing anything, lacking inspiration and happy, so I will treat you to my favourite copypastas.

Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)

Classic. Please note I did not write this. LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL!!!11

year3sem1_timetable.jpg

This is my timetable nabs, GG.

There is no C in Wireless

Mood: Hot and sweaty, a good mix
Currently listening to: Clickety-click of 2 kids playing PSP next to me

If birth-control pills were the great relic of the 20th century, then wireless technology is surely the greatest invention of the 21st. We did not bother to check whether or not wireless technology was actually invented in the 21st century but let's pretend!

With the recent acquisition of laptops for our staff (a computer for C, lapdances for everybody else), and the advent of robot hookers, wireless connection (unintended sexual innuendo) has really made life easier for all of us. Today C writes from a family friend's house and is currently in the process of illegally leeching bandwidth from said residence.

We recommend that anyone who is eager to try Ecstacy for the first time to reconsider and try wireless Internet instead, because we feel it is an exceedingly pleasurable experience, far more than what one would feel after taking 20 Ecstacy pills. The only downside to choosing wireless Internet is that you will not get to ride in an ambulance, which would only be considered a real shame if you were 10 years old.

Wireless technology has evolved to many different areas of life to enhance human living. It ranges from wireless underwear to wireless clotheslines. In American 7-Eleven's, there have also been the integration of wireless hot dog cookers and wireless men's interest magazines. Scientists estimate that by 2020 most electronic appliances in the home will be wireless and lower the chance of getting your family pet caught up in a web of dangerous electrical cords. MIT graduates consider this development to have negative effects on the future of human living - primarily because it will be harder to have a Limbo competition in the home kitchen.

Laptop computers have come out of the factory with wireless compatibility as a standard feature for quite some time, and it will only be another decade or so before sandwich toasting and book binding are added onto that list. Be on the lookout for a new iPod with in-built wireless. And car-keys are sure to become wireless very soon. Don't worry about having to put that key into the ignition anymore, just make sure it's somewhere nearby and your car will run. Handy for both you and the carjacker, Hyundai and Kia will be the first companies to install this convenient feature since there's no other way they can get rid of their stock - nobody wants to buy their crappy vehicles. This is conclusively the best way to build a future Earth that everybody can love and share; it will be communist China all over again except more racially-diverse and hopefully there will be cheesecake too.

**To Emily: Get well soon, we are praying for you and our world isn't quite the same without your smile. (f)

There is no C in Extreme Sports

Mood: Extreme

Currently multitasking with: reading tutorials on frosted glass filter on Photoshop and admiring the transparent monitor illusions of others

Extreme sports have been around nearly several millenium, starting with the Romans who practised extreme goddess worship and extreme oppression of the Jewish people back in Jesus' day. It evolved slowly, with each nation and continent having their own unique extreme sports.

For Ancient China, it was extreme assasination of emperors and in Japan, it was extreme mass production of Sanrio merchandise. All of these extreme sports were widely recognized as fair and worthy because any typical citizen could participate, which is the embodiment of the right attitude towards sport.

Throughout the years, many historical revolutions have occurred, such as Che Guevara's appearance on mainstream attire and Chairman Mao's own line of shoulder bags. In the department of extreme sports, many extreme sportsmen and sportswomen have petitioned to the International Olympic Conclave (IOC) to have extreme sports added into the Olympic competition.

Critics and underqualified journalists deemed this to be a little "extreme" (excuse the cheesy pun), and labelled the petitioners to be "extremists" (OMG MOAR PUNS). Consequently, in an act of hypocrisy so in-character with those involved in journalistic practise, they founded their own extreme sport: extreme condemnation of anyone and everyone in text.

The most notable extreme sportsmen and sportswomen in history:

Coco Kohler (2002-present), a German extreme sportwoman who participated in
extreme skulling of carbonated beverages without opening the can.

Goner Rhea (1962-1965), a Scottish extreme sportman who was a champion at extreme attraction of sexually transmitted diseases. Rhea is most noted for being part of his sport during a time when there was no treatment available for STDs.

Jack Bauer (Season 1-Season 6), star of Fox action series 24, is the ultimate undisputed world champion of extreme survival of incapitating injuries at 6am to die another day.

Chuck Norris (as Texas Ranger Walker), is so damn extreme, he participates in extreme roundhouse kicking of innocents because there are no disabled people - only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Grim "Death" Reaper, most infamous for slacking off on the job, he is the only player of extreme scythe-toting and has won every award for this extreme sport, even though he has only shown up at 25 out of the 560 meets that have taken place.

Extreme sports are serious business and should only ever be played while you are accompanied by an adult so you can whoop their ass and show them who's boss. Please note that Nintendo Wii Tennis does not count as an extreme sport. Any delusion or hallucination you have while playing the Nintendo Wii is only a result of Nintendo's mind-controlling technology that will cause you to be smitten by crappy video games like Super Smash Brothers Melee (which is a really crappy game).

It has also been reported that Nintendo is due to release a new game of the SSB franchise called Extreme Super Smash Brothers Melee and Ranged Attacks (shortened to ESSBMARA) on the Nintendo Wii. President Mario has expressed his naivety in believing that this game will be popular because of the growing popularity of extreme sports. The Letter C would like to add that adding the word "extreme" to your video game title is hardly as effective as it seems. We have a tip for you Nintendo. The moment you put "Final Fantasy" in one of your game titles is the moment you earn big bucks and get your ass sued. Now that would be some extreme video game corporation drama, much like the time Microsoft offered to buy Sony.

Transparent Monitor Illusions by C

The following are transparent monitor illusions by C with his new laptop. He has discovered this lost art at last:

Attempt #1 doing it the "right" way wrongly
Location: My desk

Attempt #2, doing it the "right" way right

Location: My desk

TLC Tutorial: Using 1337speak in real life

Mood: Dull
Currently being: Dull

Foreword
So, young geek, you want to use 1337speak in real life do you? My gosh, you really need to get laid! Anyways, the linguistic professionals at The Letter C have over 26 years of experience in 1337speaking, even before the Internet came into being! Yes, we were there as the forefathers and founders of 1337ism and now we are going to teach you how to use your second language in a new environment which we call: outside.

First of all, before you actually go out there into the big world, you'll have to answer a few simple questions to see if you're ready:

1. What colour is the sky?

2. What is the telephone number of Dominos Pizza?

3. What is a girl?

4. When do you plan to move out of your parents' basement?

If your answers included anything of the following:

1. Is that the thing with legs?

2. /pizza

3. OMG COOTIES *scream*

4. Not until I'm 40

Clearly if you answered with any of the above, you are not ready to go venture outside of your room, but we're going to encourage you to anyway, because it'll make you look like a jerk and we will get a good laugh out of that.

Part 1: Knowing your 1337speak
Now, we can only assume you have been a geek for many years now, so 1337speak is well and truly flowing through your bloodstream, as well as life-threatening amounts of Coca-Cola. What is important to note is, that certain 1337speak words are not accepted in certain places and social contexts.

For example, when you are lining up to enter the pub or night club, do not call the bouncer a noob, because it is very likely he got his bouncer training by playing lots of Tekken. This will make you very sorry indeed and is one of the rare times when 1337speak crosses over into the real world and unsuspect people can understand you.

Make sure you have thoroughly ingrained your lexicon with the latest and hippest 1337speak terminology. It will boost your nerd stat by +5000. It may also lower your hunk stat by something close to a million, but this is not a big loss compared to what you will gain from the real world.

Words that will surely pwn in real life include, pwned, owned, 1337, h4x, imba, ownage, pwnage, zwnage, zwned, pwning, owning, lol, lawl, rofl, roflmao, lmao, lulz, lolx, lolz, lols, lollerskates, roflcopter, lollerbomb, lmaosandwich, cybar, hawt, noob, newb, nubcaek, nubcake, nubcheese, nab, fock, gtfo, XD, gg, gl, hf, no re, j00, j0, 0j, noobtrash, noobgarbo (only when talking to a bogan), fail (only use this when you feel irony will get you the upper hand in the social context) and many, many more.

Part 2: When to use 1337speak
The first thing to remember is that many people out there have never heard 1337speak in real life. Use this to your advantage to show that you are funny, confident, and intelligent. Women are sure to flock in your direction when they hear a sentence like, "lol i liek pwned that n00b." Once they display interest in you, you'll have some explaining to do. Imagine this scenario:

You: "so liek wana makeout lawl lulz"

Girl: "You hardly know me and you're using statements... I think questions are so impersonal, when guys ask me questions about myself, I find it lame. Gosh, you are so romantic."

You: "lol kk so liek let's makeout"

Girl: "I don't even know what you're saying but I want you to maul my face off."

There you have it. This is how 1337speak works in real life. Rest assured, it will not work with every girl you meet, and 80% of the time it is likely to work on guys more than girls. Although 1337speak is infallible, beware of the backfire effect. You may wish to seek out TLC Tutorial: How to resist unwanted sexual advances from a gay man to save your ass if that does occur.

Part 3: Articulating 1337speak
Normally, as you geeks type away on AIM or IRC, you never have to open your mouth. But now that you're out in the real world, be prepared to actually talk. Remember to not stutter as you throw out the 1337est 1337speak you have ever known of, otherwise people will see through your mask and see the real you - the filthy lifeless geek that you are.

Be proud of your heritage and say it loud. "LOL" and "NOOB" work best but not in public. You just might get your ass whooped. While you're busting out awesome rhymes in 1337speak, take note to not mention that you play World of Warcraft. This will instantly render you an outcast in society. You have been warned.

Don't get ahead of yourself and think you've benchpressed the world. There will be security guards and policemen nearby who you will also need to gain the favour of. Just like the emos/goths who sit around the mall, you also belong to an enigmatic minority and will be discriminated and face large amounts of injustified prejudice.

Part 4: 1337speak over the phone
This one has always been just another one of C's lame jokes. "I can articulate 1337speak over the phone," always got some unenthusiastic wow's back in high school but it simply isn't funny anymore. But this is a forsaken artform, forgotten many years ago during Clan War II.

An era before the Internet, 1337speak was done over the phone on landlines back when it was cool. The advent of e-mail saw this die out, and only a select few geek elders know how to do this properly. There was also a time when 1337speak was spelt in full as 13375P34l<. Damn that was annoying. It was much harder to articulate, but at the time, FBI agents were after us for a gay cybersex conspiracy, and to cover up we had to change our spelling conventions every second call and say 1337 (both as "leet" and "one-three-three-seven") in a different language everyday. We experienced braindeadness just before we got to Elvish.

Part 5: When 1337speak goes too far
If at any time your antics cause anyone to shout, "RAPE!" Be prepared to run. Unfortunately for you, this is the real world and you can't just cast invis on yourself or summon a mount. Hopefully you participated in the sports carnival back in high school, but chances are you've sat in front of your computer for the past 5 years without moving your legs and your muscles have greatly deteriorated. If this is the case, do not run - you will just look like a pathetic r-tard.

When you are being dragged away by police, do not shout "noobtrash" in their face. It will certainly incriminate you further and make your future life in prison very miserable in deed. At no time should you call the judge a "noob" and tell the prosecuting lawyer to "stfu".

Afterword
Well young geekling, now you are ready to take on the world. The golden rule is: never ask a guy for cybar, and never tell your World of Warcraft buddies know you've been out of the house and into the sun. They will disown you for treason.