There is no C in Deathly Hallows

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Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Hairy Potter

Since the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the legion of Harry Potter fans has grown significantly in anticipation of the final book. Some are eagerly awaiting book number 7 because they are true Harry Potter fans and have really fallen for J. K. Rowling's amazing writing, and some are just waiting for the last book to come out because they hate nerdy-looking boy wizards. But little do they know that once, a child philosopher by the name of Charles Wong said, "A president has much power, but a dead president has even more." This proverb/saying/conversation starter could most possibly apply to boy wizards too and it does.

J. K. Rowling has already revealed some things about book 7. After several hours of research and a boring interview with Miss J. K., I have compiled a list of book 7isms. I assure you there will be no spoilers, just little tipoffs which J. K. Rowling felt compelled to give to The letter C after being interrogated with a lie detector:

*SPOILER WARNING*

List of CONFIRMED book 7isms:

Harry dies and is resurrected with a sarcophagus coffin

Harry dies again and is resurrected again

Dumbledore dies a total of 3 times, first by eating poisoned chocolate frog, then by eating an Anthrax flavoured jellybean and lastly dies by accidental suicide when he drops his wand and it fires at him at a bad angle

Cho gets plastic surgery

Harry asks Hermione out but she replies with the "Lets just be friendly wizards" line

Harry and Hermione somehow get together anyway

Ron walks into Harry and Hermione having a R-rated 18+ makeout session (only found in the version of book 7 with the adult cover)

Ron finds safety and comfort in the arms of Draco Malfoy and tells Draco his life story and they have a big cry together

Draco finally comes out of the closet and reveals he is gay

Crabbe and Goyle have a fight over which of them Draco likes better

Snape turns out to be a convicted sexual predator wizard

Hagrid dies and Chewbacca is called in as a replacement

Book 7's ending will be ambigiuous and keep fans guessing for book 8

Voldemort flees to France and is renamed Voldemorte

Luna Lovegood wins Hogwarts Hogmate of the Year award

Neville Longbottom receives a Nintendo Wii for Christmas via Owl-post

The Dursleys move to Japan after Dudley is signed as a professional Sumo wrestler

Human Paladin's Holy Light mana cost is raised to 70 from 65, cooldown increased by 1 second

Nearly Headless Nick joins the Cirque du Soleil and is replaced by The Ghost of Walt Cummings

The Red Baron joins the Spanish Inquisition and is replaced by The Ghost of Freddy Krueger

List of RUMOURED book 7isms (rumours may contradict as they were gathered from sources of varying reliability):

Hagrid has some bad soup one day and a week later a dragon bursts out of his chest

J. K. Rowling is playable as a secret character

The new Ministry of Magic will be Ronald McDonald

Book 7 will be titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Wheelbarrows

Book 7 will be split into 2 parts, respectively named The Sequel to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Part 1 and Part 2 of The Sequel to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

After beating Voldemort 10 times, Snape-X will be unlocked as a playable character

After beating Voldemort 50 times, J. K. Bison will be unlocked as a playable character

Undead Death Knight's Death Coil mana cost will be reduced from 75 to 65

The new Defence of the Dark Arts teacher will be a wizard named Guinsoo

If you reach the final boss without ever dying, you will face off against a special boss called Chuck Norris

Book 7 will be the first choose-your-own-adventure Harry Potter of the series

J. K. Rowling dies on page 857

J. K. Rowling dies on page 856

Santa Claus makes a guest appearance on page 666

Page 102 is blank

A R-rated 18+ version of book 7 will be released under the name Harry Potter and the Tomb Raider

Book 7 will be poorly made into a movie

If anyone could possibly come up with every reference that was made in that huge list, you will most certainly win a cookie + a romantic night of geeklove, because we ourselves at The letter C have already forgotten half the things we referred to. Die-hard Harry Potter fans, please be assured that none of the rumours are true but that all the confirmed events are very likely to be true. Although J. K. Rowling was under tight security and strictly not having interviews with nobodies, The letter C was able to discover a loophole in her management called "bribery". Almost all (by almost, we mean not even remotely close to 5%) of the information in this article was leaked to us by Miss J. K. herself.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, we are waiting.