There is no C in Ninja Quest 8

Mood: ?:/ que?

Currently smoking: 10 year old copy of MAD Magazine Hokeycon Special

Today The Letter C is going to crap on about another video game. We hereby declare that Ninja Quest 8 was not a randonly generated game name and that such a game may actually exist!

Ninja Quest 8 was written by none other than Carl Winemaker (no relation to Carlos Winedrinker or Carlton Windbreaker). In his still ongoing career, Carl Winemaker was most famous for creating Ninja Quest's second to seventh instalments. Nobody knows if Mr Winemaker stole his idea from the man/woman/dog/rock that made the original Ninja Quest. This is because nobody cared whether the idea of the game was stolen or not. Anyone who played Ninja Quest 8 instantly became a fanboy and today we will document its latest sequel.

Plot Synopsis:

NQ8 is, surprisingly, not about a ninja but rather revolves around an American salaryman by the name of John Dough (no relation to John Doe or Joe Dough). It is the year 2018 and all the rivers and oceans of the world have been poisoned by an unknown brown substance called Cococa-Cola. In the light of such dark times, John Dough is on a quest for the last safe-to-eat piece of sashimi, which reminds him of his childhood when he eats it.

*WARNING: SPOILERS*

During the course of the game, John Dough befriends famous ninjas such as Musashi, Naruto and Chairman Kaga. The player might meet some lesser known ninjas such as Yamaha (who made pianos and motorcycles when he retired as a ninja), Spiderman (who in fact is actually a ninja) and last but not least, Shinobi who is known by all fans of the video game Shinobi.

C's latest fictional love interest

The game's genre is hard to describe. It is a cross between DDR, Tetris and Initial D. Gameplay videos could not be released because Mr Winemaker threatened to "press full charges". As mentioned before, anyone who has played this game instantly is converted into a mindless fanboy. The Letter C regrets being unable to obtain unbiased opinion on this game.

Screenshot of Ninja Quest 8 in action

Graphics in NQ8 have been hailed as revolutionary for their time. Unfortunately, this statement would only have been true had Ninja Quest 8 been released in the 1980s. Ninja Quest 8 has won a number of awards as listed below:

Awards won by Ninja Quest 8:

Best game featuring crappy graphics and ninjas: 2-in-1 category

Better game than Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire

Better game than Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

Best game starring an American salaryman

Best game featuring Spiderman as a supporting character

First game ever to feature sushi mastication system

First game ever to feature DDR, Tetris and Initial D elements

And the most prestigious award...

Best Ninja Quest since Ninja Quest 7