TLC puts the C in Piracy

Piracy is a fancy word for the crime known as theft. It is more commonly known as "What your Asian neighbour was up to all week" and is ranked in second spot on the Top 5 Asian Misdeeds of your Typical Asian Immigrant. While piracy is frowned upon by clergymen, song artists and Nintendo, it is encouraged and widely practised by schoolchildren, housewives and cheap university students who think photocopying the entirety of a 500 page textbook is "ok".

Since the turn of the millenium, piracy has turned from a crime into an artform, with the most bizarre things being "pirated" - ranging from advertisement boards, ninjas and domesticated monkeys at the zoo. Fake versions of all these things can now be easily bought at a discount price from any Asian hawker at your nearby shopping plaza.

The true elaboracy of the history of piracy may not be fully known to all, but it is understandable, as only a small portion of pirates are interested in the ancient Chinese traditions behind this lost ritual. During the Kam Fuk Dynasty, a man was measured in society according to size of his pirated music records collection. When a young Wimp Pe Feh invented the CD burner, young girls all over China lusted for him and his newfound power to pirate anything he wished. Feh soon went on to invent the French toast burner to create imitation French toast (without the need for oil, egg, butter nor bread) and also the underrated water burner (which made water out of... well, nothing at all). Contrary to popular belief, Wimp Pe Feh did not invent the Bunsen burner, as this device does not bootleg anything at all.

What began as humble beginnings for a rather not-so-well-hung Asian man, has now become a worldwide phenomenon. Piracy has developed a large cult following, with even your average computer-illiterate dummy being able to commit theft with a few clicks of their computer mouse. The reason piracy is so attractive is because of the difficulty in catching the culprits, since anyone who owns a computer/knows someone who owns a computer/has Internet access is already deemed a suspect/guilty/headed to jail/headed for the fiery depths of hell.

There is one solution to combat piracy, however: bring in enough ninjas to lay down the beatdown (if this sounded corny to you, then you forgot to stress the "lay" and the "beat" and probably didn't have Tekken music playing in the background).