C is for Cosmetic Surgery

Level: 27
Currently: Waiting for the Americans to sleep so I can quest without getting ganked

Have you ever wished you looked better than that dead cane toad on your driveway? Or perhaps you were sick of people comparing your face to the likeness of a milk carton. We understand that these are some of life's most difficult trials, but there are many easy solutions available. Back in the 18th century, your doctor would have told you, "Suicide is your only option." You could say that over the past 300 years, not much has changed, since anyone you ask on an Internet forum is likely to tell you the same thing, but luckily today there is another alternative: cosmetic surgery. They both cost about the same, and the only difference is that your friends will probably still be your friends if the suicide goes wrong.

With the help of the father of that Asian kid you met in primary school, now you too, can look like the hardcore Japanese pr0n babe on your boyfriend's computer desktop. Don't worry about a thing, the Japanese are the undisputed gurus of cosmetic surgery - seriously, next time you are in Japan, take a walk around Shinjuku at night... every woman you see could be a pornstar! If you aren't much the type for looking great in real life, and prefer to enhance the appearance of your World of Warcraft avatar, there are plenty of ways you can do this too. Go purchase Burning Crusade and roll a female Blood Elf; they're HOT!

So, now the question is: Do YOU need cosmetic surgery? Our team of experienced surgeons can change your appearance - forever! Have you been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with your husband lately, but feel like you're not really fitting in? That's ok, for something around $2000 AUD, we can give you an authentic beer gut that will have your partner's beerbuddies jealous! Never feel left out again! Did that girl turn you down when you asked her to your prom? No worries, sign over possession of your parents' assets and we can get you looking like Brad Pitt - for the entire night! We'll even pay for the cab for your quick getaway when the plastic "wears off".

Make the wise choice, my pimple-faced nerdgin (nerd + virgin) and cancel your World of Warcraft subscription today... there are far better and more socially acceptable uses for that precious lunch money!