There is no C in Valentine's Day

Mood: Amorous
Currently listening to: KC & Jojo - All My Life

Yes, it's that time of the year again when sparks fly and star-crossed lovers come out to frolick at the local shopping mall and going home with bags full of useless, pink and red junk they don't need. And no, I am not referring to spare internal organs. It is a special day for all - young and old, mammal or amphibian, living or inanimate - there is something for everyone on Valentine's Day, whether it be love or rejection, nobody goes away empty handed, assuming that heartbreak could manifest into a physical object of some sort, possibly in the form of a sharp knife or rusty razor positioned closely to one's wrist.

Valentine's Day is named after none other than Vincent Valentine, the gun-toting vampire-esque hunk from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy VII. Mr Valentino Rossi was also a candidate to have the holiday origins attributed to him, but unfortunately he is one letter short of fame and glory. Though teenyboppers have been taking advantage of this day to score overly expensive jewelry and doll houses long before the very first Final Fantasy title was released, we would like to remind our readers that Chibipedia is never wrong despite having randomly generated content which gets shuffled every half hour.

For the young, vibrant couple, V-day can be a sweet, romantic occasion that consists of feeding each other little spoonfuls of icecream and taking a long walk on the beach, but most of the time ends up being an awkward affair of trying to hide from the eagle-eyes of Asian aunties who have the strange habit of being everywhere you take your girlfriend/boyfriend, all the damn time. Luckily, their 12-inch binoculars give away their location to allow for a quick change of venue, but their Asian aunty-esque 4-wheel-drives are sure a pain to outrun - trust me, I know.

Valentine's Day could be considered a "lie", as it is the one day of the year that lifeless, desperate, perverted geeks come out of their parents' basements and think that this very day is the mating season of all human females. Unfortunately, they are wrong in believing that just because roses, chocolates and anything pink is going at 50% off they have a higher chance of getting a girl than any other day of the year. Sorry my dear friends to burst your bubble of magic immunity; better roll a 20 to save your face.

An article from LIER Magazine indicates that every year, it is on Valentine's Day that the abundant number of synthetic rose factories around the globe make their biggest profit, in addition to totally killing the Earth's ozone layer with their production machines in overdrive.

Without an answer to any of life's difficult questions, many socially inept males will decide to put it up to the shopkeep and ask, "What's her favourite colour?" Epic fail.