There is no C in Wireless

Mood: Hot and sweaty, a good mix
Currently listening to: Clickety-click of 2 kids playing PSP next to me

If birth-control pills were the great relic of the 20th century, then wireless technology is surely the greatest invention of the 21st. We did not bother to check whether or not wireless technology was actually invented in the 21st century but let's pretend!

With the recent acquisition of laptops for our staff (a computer for C, lapdances for everybody else), and the advent of robot hookers, wireless connection (unintended sexual innuendo) has really made life easier for all of us. Today C writes from a family friend's house and is currently in the process of illegally leeching bandwidth from said residence.

We recommend that anyone who is eager to try Ecstacy for the first time to reconsider and try wireless Internet instead, because we feel it is an exceedingly pleasurable experience, far more than what one would feel after taking 20 Ecstacy pills. The only downside to choosing wireless Internet is that you will not get to ride in an ambulance, which would only be considered a real shame if you were 10 years old.

Wireless technology has evolved to many different areas of life to enhance human living. It ranges from wireless underwear to wireless clotheslines. In American 7-Eleven's, there have also been the integration of wireless hot dog cookers and wireless men's interest magazines. Scientists estimate that by 2020 most electronic appliances in the home will be wireless and lower the chance of getting your family pet caught up in a web of dangerous electrical cords. MIT graduates consider this development to have negative effects on the future of human living - primarily because it will be harder to have a Limbo competition in the home kitchen.

Laptop computers have come out of the factory with wireless compatibility as a standard feature for quite some time, and it will only be another decade or so before sandwich toasting and book binding are added onto that list. Be on the lookout for a new iPod with in-built wireless. And car-keys are sure to become wireless very soon. Don't worry about having to put that key into the ignition anymore, just make sure it's somewhere nearby and your car will run. Handy for both you and the carjacker, Hyundai and Kia will be the first companies to install this convenient feature since there's no other way they can get rid of their stock - nobody wants to buy their crappy vehicles. This is conclusively the best way to build a future Earth that everybody can love and share; it will be communist China all over again except more racially-diverse and hopefully there will be cheesecake too.

**To Emily: Get well soon, we are praying for you and our world isn't quite the same without your smile. (f)