TLC puts the C in Asian haircut

For your average Asian male between age 13-21 there is nothing like ditching your crappy whitey's blade cuts and flat tops and converting to an Asian hairdresser. When you step inside that door, and that promiscuous-looking intern massages your scalp with up to 4 different chemical substances, you will know and realize - this isn't going to be cheap. Remember the very first time when he unsheathed his clippers from his large array of scissory and maybe gave you a wink in the mirror? Yes, he was wearing a wedding ring, and no, he was not married to a woman.

The routine is simple; they wash your hair, you sit down, the hairdresser opens up a Japanese/Korean magazine and you pick a hairstyle. It should be noted that getting Takuya Kimura's haircut will NOT hide your ugliness from the world. Most of the time, a simple haircut will require a decent Asian hairdresser to use up to 4 different types of scissors, but in some match-ups may require to use the rest of their cooldowns.

Asian boys should beware - going into an Asian salon will almost always result in you coming out brandishing the infamous was-cool-maybe-back-in-high-school Asian mullet. Fashion analyst and self-proclaimed metrosexual Clay Clayson tells us that this hairstyle is a double-edged sword of sorts. If you are looking to impress a young lady with this haircut, you better hope she doesn't care about looks. If she doesn't care about looks, then she is most definitely after your money. If you lack both, it is very likely she is lesbian.

In addition to a wild hairdo, all hip Asians should invest in hair colouring to disassociate themselves with their heritage. As of 2005, it was no longer cool to have black hair because that's when the Emo movement began and unfortunately for us Asians, our hair was just too freakin' black. A shade of brown with some blonde highlights is generally acceptable, but if you go for something like fluoro green, you are bound to lose more than just friends. Do not be surprised if your parents will not let you back inside the house. Don't worry, I'm sure they think you look fantastic - it's just that they can't recognize you.

How much should one expect to fork out for a little self-esteem? Well, if you sported a cheesy bowl cut prior to your "made in China" transformation, it is unlikely you had advanced very far in the food-chain of life. In this case, this haircut may cost you your life savings and most if not all of your innocence. Now that you look like an Asian gangsta, you will be expected to act like one by not only your peers, but also your school teachers and personal butler. Be prepared for many parent-teacher meetings.