TLC puts the C in Amazing Race

Truly, truly, Amazing Race is one of the greatest reality shows to come onto Australian home television screens. The gameplay is fast paced, jam-packed and contains more reality show competition cliche's than colloquialisms (sp?) in this freakin' sentence. In Amazing Race, every participant is a winner, even if you don't win. For the superficial, it's a sure way to get your face onto television for many appearances. Well, except for if you're really ugly or a real tight ass, then it's very likely people will like you less after they see you on the show. It is bound to create some tension amongst your friends who are better-looking or more money-hungry than you, provided you have any at all.

Be warned, however, that the Amazing Race is not a game that can be easily emulated for your own recreational purposes. There are way too many factors that can seriously ruin the game, and in the worst case scenario, someone may drop their icecream on the grass and be forced to lick it back up, simply because the instructions demanded it. But do not be worried, if the participants are of Asian heritage, you can be pretty damned sure they WILL lick up that icecream, because there is no way true Asian would spend $2.00 for another icecream cone.

When you are creating minigames for your very own Amazing Race, be sure not to include tedious tasks like setting a new Guiness World Record. Trust us, that kind of quest is impossible and your production team will get fired quick because you will blow your budget. Be sure to get the participants to do fun things, or they will get bored and your ratings will go to the rocks. Get them to try something exotic, like firebreathing, Russian Roulette with an RPG, driving down the highway in reverse gear, or even just eating a live scorpion. Such events are bound to attract a large audience and also the raver community.

Of course, at the end of the race, the winner should be awarded with a prize. Stay away from the really generic stuff, like roses and chocolate; nobody in the world wants to receive those for any reason anymore. There are so many easy ways to make your Amazing Race stand out from all the rest of the wannabes. Useful prizes like a lifetime supply of condoms will definitely score you a ready supply of willing competitors for next season. Just beware: do not offer a lifetime subscription to World of Warcraft, you don't want a plethora of uglie nerdling geekoids applying for your show - seeing "Jedi" as someone's religion is funny the first time, but never again.

I would think of a really witty rhyming pun to Amazing Race to make fun of the show, but I won't because I only have an IQ of 79.