23 November, 2006

TLC puts the C in Twilight Princess

Mood: Bored
Currently listening to: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya - Hare Hare Yukai

**NOTE: From now on, reference links may or may not redirect to Wikipedia because Uncyclopedia and Encyclopedia Dramatica are clearly better and more crude and contain an infinitely higher level of satirical content. In order to fully appreciate this surprise change of protocol, my dear reader, you will have to mouseover the links to see where they go, or just click them all and see where you go.

As we all know, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess was released several days ago in North America for the Nintendo Wii. Many uglie nerds sold everything they owned to line up at their local game store to line up and be one of the first people in the world to obtain this epic RPG title.

This is a common spectacle and is known as the Desperate Nerd Addiction Effect, not to be confused with that "other" desperate nerd addiction effect. It was first observed by video game kiosk owner Kyon Koizumi back in 1997 at the release of Final Fantasy VII (Warning: this is not a Wikipedia link and may contain extreme satire sprinkled with sick and tasteless jokes). Other video game kiosk owners in Japan began to add their findings to the Japanese Otaku Surveillance Activity Journal (Article not found). The "DNA" effect was reported to have occurred at the release of Final Fantasy VIII, IX, X, XII, XIII, Fanta Finalsy Revolution, Final Pacmantasy, Final Fantacraft IV, World of Final Fantacraft and has also been predicted to occur in its most severe form ever when the Playstation 3 is released. It should be noted that almost nobody turned up on the day of Final Fantasy XI's release, simply because it sucked and was the worst RPG ever released for a console. Yes, even worse than that really sucky one. You know the one I mean.

Professor Ukato Desho from Kwansei Gakuin University commented in his annual report in 2005, "This is nothing special and happens all the time everywhere in the world. However, I find it startling that white people, especially Americans, could emulate the otaku stereotype that was previously thought to only exist in Japan. Many of my colleagues find this to be an alarming precedence but think that it is funny. Nobody would have guessed that uglie nerds would dare show their faces in public for the purpose of obtaining a video game on its release date. You would think that they could wait until the hype dies down. I mean, if I were in their position, I would rather wait a little while so that nobody would see me go to the store. Wouldn't you?" Yes Professor, I certainly would.
In conclusion, I label this post with about a 5% relevance to Twilight Princess and a 95% relevance to absolute garbage, and a neverbefore witnessed 110% to uglie nerds. I sign out cuz my satire is on the rocks and has begun its rapid decline into Unfunnyville, the neighbouring suburb of Unsatiricalville. Heck, I don't even know what the hell I just wrote.

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