TLC Crackdown: Harry Potter Book 7 Leaked

The very professional janitors at The Letter C office managed to hijack a bypassing truck earlier this week. First believing it to contain enough beer to solve Australia's drought problem, upon opening the metallic safes (yes, plural), we discovered copies of the first print of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Unfortunately, in order to prevent anyone selling them or keeping them for personal use, several of them self destructed. We managed to salvage half of one and a bit of another. From what we could put back together, we have a large portion of the second last chapter, since the self-destruction device was installed in the front of the book, possibly to injure thieving magpies.

Anyhow, here is the excerpt from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, the seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series, written by J. K. Rowling:

** WARNING: SPOILERS AND EXTREME WIZARD VIOLENCE**

- CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX -

The Dirtiest Deed

Dumbledore's charred remains showered the room and Voldemort blew out his smouldering wand. The dark room continued to remain lit after the spell found impact. Harry could not believe his eyes; the greatest wizard he had ever known was killed in a split second. Strangely, Voldemort's spell did not flash green, but Harry was too shocked to notice.

"You're next Potter!" cackled the dark lord.

Voldemort began walking towards the other side of the room.

"Harry! Harry! What are you doing? Run!" cried Hermione, who was still trapped under the broken pillar. While Harry stood there, he began to feel tears come from his eyes. Suddenly, warm hands came from behind and placed themselves on his shoulders. Harry turned around to find the last person he wanted to see, but the truth was, it was the only person he wanted to see. Malfoy began to stroke Harry's hair, saying, "Potter, it's not over. Stay strong." Harry was so touched by Malfoy's words that he could no longer hold back the tears and started sobbing profusely into Malfoy's chest.

"Spare me the corny soap opera and die! Abra Kadabra!"

Lord Voldemort shoots Rank 1 Death Coil at Harry Potter!

Harry Potter takes 220 shadow damage!

Lord Voldemort is healed for 220 damage!

Harry Potter runs in horror!

"Potter, you can't die now. I have to first tell you the truth about everything," whispered Malfoy. Although Harry had blood spewing out of his chest and desperately needed to go to the hospital, Malfoy turned him to face himself and said, "Harry, I love you. There is nobody else in the world who I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you." Being the type of girl who always did the right thing at the right time, Hermione used the last of her strength to cast a summoning spell to summon Celine Dion to the presence of the amorous lovers, who now had their bodies intertwined on the hard, stone floor of the underground tomb.

- END EXCERPT -

Many apologies to the kids and dirty perverts who really wanted to see more (pun intended). Hope we didn't spoil too much for you of what's to come in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. You can be sure that the content is retrieved is 100% reliable; no amount of "Made in China" tags are going to fool us. We did indeed get our hands on the real thing, and if Miss Rowling is keen on sueing (sp?) TLC, our army of lawyers will be ready.

Regards,
The Letter C Staff, Amateur Storywriting Department