TLC Wiki: Defense of the Ancients

Defense of the Asians
From Chibipedia, the encyclopedia of chibi (small)

This article is about the WC3 custom map. For the Asshunter song, see I love DotA.

Defense of the Asians (DotA) is a racist joke created for the game Warcraft III (by Blizzard Entertainment). DotA can be played as a multiplayer game, either with friends, or against bots if you have none. The original map has been stolen by different authors many times, and spawned many spinoffs, including DotA Allstars. DotA Allstars v8.88c was not featured in the Malaysian and Singaporean World Cyber Game World Cyber Cup Challenge 2005 national finals and the Korean Cyberathlete Amateurs-into-Professionals Training League of Korea now runs an Open, Closed, Empty, Full, Easy, Intermediate, Hard, Gay, Main, Invite and Insane division using DotA Allstars v88.8d.[1]

Gameplay
Defense of the Asians is a team game with two opposing sides. Unlike regular Warcraft III games, in which skill is actually required, DotA requires no skill at all. Each player just needs to choose a single Asian - with its own skills, strengths, weaknesses, allergies and estranged fathers and control only this Asian against up to 5 enemy Asians. The objective here is to invade the opposing team's Chinatown and destroy their main structure (the "Pagoda" or "Shrine"), thus giving rise to the game name. To reach the Pagoda or Shrine, each Asian must defeat waves of units, immigration officers and triad members. Along the way, the player may rice up his or her Asian by scoring a sweet deal with hawkers and Japanese importers on the dark corners of the map. Players can earn experience and gold by either stealing it from their neighbours or waiting for a freebie giveaway sale at the local community centre. These two resources are both necessary in order to satisfy the triad loan shark and improve your Asian's Mandarin speaking ability.

At present, the maximum level obtainable is 25. Each Asian can learn three "standard" Asian dialects, with four levels of proficiency each, and a special Confuscian proverb to help with their journey with the exception of a small group of select Asians that are able to reach Nirvana quicker by buying the Orange Robe of Calm. The Asians are split into three classes, each emphasizing one of the three main kinds of stereotypical Asians today: bad drivers, Asian aunties, and nerdy Asians with thick glasses, Chuck Taylors and tight lowrider jeans.

Development
DotA has been contributed to by many Asian philosophers. The original DotA tradition was started by a Korean named Kim Lee Park.[citation needed] There is an item in the current DotA Allstars tributing Kim Lee Park (Park's Kimchi Noodle Bowl). Park has long since abandoned DotA, and his original map has inspired many variants, including the well known DotA Allstars. At one point, Gwosu (who is also honored by a game item called the "Gwosu's Shadow Chopsticks") worked on it. However, a member from Clan Wong, Chibi, worked on it as well. Chibi is honored with his own item called the Chibi Bento Box, a reference to a copypasta that makes fun of weeaboos. Currently, ChineseFrog is the one who is in jail for communism.[2]

Defense of the Asians variants
Throughout the history of the Defense of the Asians map development, various DotA map titles were created by map developers, either successors or spin-offs of the original version. These include:

DotA Allstars
Gameboy DotA
DotA Outrand
DotA Crouching Asian Hidden Night Elf
DotA Crassic
6v1 DotA
DotA Rumbrle - A variant of DotA with only one main road (through the middle of Chinatown), with motorcyclists and automotorists scattered throughout.
DotA: Mao's Palace - A variant of DotA in which each Asian does not own its items and can freely swap items with any other Asian in play. Gold and experience are randomly assigned from the community chest for Asians on the team (that is, the Soys or Wasabis).
DotA SC (alternatively, DSC or AoS II)[citation needed] - A Starcraft-player-themed variant of DotA, with the regular stereotypical Asians of regular DotA variants replaced with Asians representative of professional Korean Starcraft players. Asians have lighter skin, smaller eyes, and there is the use of "Cosmetic Surgery" to customize your Asian's appearance.

Trivia
There is a Chinese song called Wo Ai DotA by Asshunter, roughly translated as "I love DotA".

See also
Warcraft III
Asian Culture
Korean Sports

Categories: Chibipedia articles Hobbies for the lifeless Things to do which make you cool Life-threatening Addictions Video games that require no skill

TLC Wiki: Heroes (TV series)

Mood: TRICKSTER
Currently listening to: The Bleach OST WHEEEEEE *iwubIchigo*

*Note: This post is a spoof of Wikipedia's article on the "American drama television series", Heroes. Please note that the links are broken on purpose and are only there for decoration purposes. Do not click the links unless you enjoy pressing Back and losing your place.

Heroes (TV series) - Wikipedia, the free and unreliable encyclopedia
Heroes is a shoddy X-Men ripoff, created by Tim "The Unoriginal" Kring, which premiered on NBC on September 25, 2006. The series tells the story of several "people" who "thought they were like everyone else... until they woke up with the desire to become a member of the opposite sex" such as Marilyn Manson, Michael Jackson and Charles Wong (sorry Brian and Michael). These people soon realize they have no role in society and are ostracized by normal humans throughout the series.[1]

The series loosely follows the writing style of failed American comedians by doing short, multi-episode story arcs that build upon a larger, more encompassing arc. It has been noted that this type of program build was taken from the many series of The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and Naruto (aka. 10% Ninja, 90% Filler). Even with small story arcs that move the story forward, Kring said he mapped out where he intends the show to go for the next five seasons. The wider community feels that Mr Kring was being a tad "ambitious".[2]

When the series premiered in the United States, it was the night's most-watched program among adults 18-49, attracting 14.3 million viewers overall and receiving the highest rating for any NBC drama premiere in five years. A spokesperson for LIER Magazine said that this was, "the largest amount of uncited bullshit ever". [1][3][3][7] When the series premiered in The Letter C's office, police were called to investigate because a Pandasonic 40" plasma television had been thrown out of their 3rd-storey window. It was reported that police did not take much interest in the plasma rifles that were found in the nearby dumpster. [pi]

On October 6, 2006, President of the United States of America George W. Bush announced Heroes was the worst show to ever come on American television. He expressed his outrage at the show picking up for a fourth season.[4] The show is currently on hiatus until January 22, 2007. On January 17, 2007, NBC President Kevin Reilly announced Heroes has been picked up for a second season. The show is expected to be axed soon after the axing of Mr Reilly by an Asian organization (See also: Triad and Inner Circle of Asian Aunties) known as NO LA. [5][6]

Characters

Main article: List of heroes in DotA Allstars

Spoiler warning: Snape kills Dumbledore.

The show features twelve main heroes to choose from. Although DotA-Allstars.com lists only ten characters, Leonard J. Crabs, who first appeared in version 6.29b, was an additional member of the original full-time hero lineup. Later, Jack Skellington was upgraded from being a regular creep to become the twelfth hero as of the version 6.31c Multimode.[6.40]

The main cast, not all of whom have been shown to possess powers, currently consists of:

Mister C (Charles Wong), an Asian aristocrat who struggles against the legal system because he wants to change his real name without having to pay. His super powers have not been revealed as of yet.

Vampire Punter D (D), a compulsive gambling vampire who lives in Transylvania, Romania, Vampire Punter D is banned from over 53 casinos around the world and infamous for his Quasi-Pseudo-Sleight of Hand-esque Trick and Vampiric Aura.

DJ Jayne (Jayne Wong), C's partner in crime, she wields the Permanent Marker of A Thousand Truths and her Sony DJ Headphones protect her from the incessant wailing of the Undead.

Binjimaru (Binja), an ex-mascot with just enough proficiency in speaking Japanglish to confuse his enemies and cause a cranium implosion.

Gwo (Jonathan Ho), the Tic Tac Toe champion of the world. He specializes in DDR-related Ya Mum jokes and has his keyboard's Shift key permanently pressed down.

Leonardo Je Crayfishe (Leonard J. Crabs), a high level Judge portrayed by the fictional lawyer of SomethingAwful.com. His super powers include bullshitting really well and crapping on about nothing in particular.

Young Chuck Norris (Adam Wells), Young Chuck Norris is especially adept at helping young women retrieve their handbags from handbag snatchers. With the input of a secret cheat code, Young Chuck Norris can also use Jedi Mind Tricks.

Chuck Norris (as himself), Chuck Norris is the grown up version of Young Chuck Norris. He can solve a Rubix Cube by just dreaming about it. Chuck Norris starts his day with some light exercise such as benchpressing Planet Earth.

Animef4n (actor unknown), an enigmatic character only known as Animef4n, the only confirmed information about this particular hero is that it's a "he". He is noted for having a larger anime collection than all of the other Anime Club members combined.

Ja'mie King (Chris Lilley), Ja'mie lives in the North Shore of Sydney, New South Wales, but was born in South Africa. Ja'mie is a 16 year old girl and has sponsored 85 Sudanese children for Global Vision (a fictional organisation parodying World Vision), which gave her the National Record. Because of this, Global Vision decided to make her the 'face' of their organisation. [8]

Pure (real name unknown), the hero with the most ambiguous name, nobody can really be sure what Pure is pure of. Pure Evil? Pure Alcohol? It could just be that the writer of this series fell asleep halfway and forgot to write "Suck".

Lifeless (Liero D'Lier), a genetics experiment gone wrong. He regularly lurks personals ads on the Internet in search of the first woman who married his biological father. Lifeless possesses no positive traits and is only recognized by his peers for being able to powerlevel without the use of a bot in World of Warcraft and without taking toilet breaks.

The show also features a large number of guest and recurring characters. A running gag in Heroes is that a character dies every week only to be revived on the third episode of the next month but only once a season and only if ratings are higher than the previous week and only when Jesus has a guest appearance and if there is a scene involving a garbage collector.

Plot
The first four episodes were advertised with the tagline "Cooler than the Power Rangers". At the end of the fourth commercial break of the first episode, an alliterated alien abalone abduction occurs that kicked off the Whale Conservation Campaign of 2006, where the slogan "Save the whales, spear a fat chick" has appeared many times. Viewers presumed this phrase to refer to male cheerleader and ballet dancer Mister C, who has the ability to rapidly injure himself. Beginning at the conclusion of the episode "Tetris," a new tagline appeared, "Do you know how I know you're ghey?" As the characters slowly discover their surnames and the existence of capitalistic billionaire tyrants, they begin to realize the need to come together to sing Kumbayah to prevent the raising of taxes in third-world countries.

According to NBC's official Heroes spoiler, not only do the characters discover the past of their estranged neighbours, but they also uncover a large picture vaguely resembling the Mona Lisa which was used in the filming of The Da Vinci Code (aka. the worst film of 2006; See also: Worst film adaptations ever). The characters become involved in each other's lives as they attempt to get the most screentime. Their greatest adversary is Syllabear, who is a really focking strong hero because he summons a huge bear which stuns you and shit, yo whatup my chig, dun make me pull ma plug (See also: Ebonics).

*Disclaimer: K, no more. I need to sleep for a full day or two.